Apple Movie Junkie

Written/directed by Floria Sigismondi, The Runaways, the true story of rock’s first successful all-girl band (pre-70’s), is a nimble romp through the early days of the genre-busting group. Based in part on the book by former lead singer Cherie Currie, The Runaways is not The Doors with lipstick. Instead it comes off as The Doors as if made by Lifetime. I assumed if there was a movie made about a famous rock band there would be an interesting tale to tell. Rock and roll, right?! Kind of. It all felt very simple to me – like an easy math problem: Desire + Luck = Famous. It isn’t that easy of course or I would be writing for Judd Apatow. My point is the success felt a little too pat for my tastes. But I do remember those days – if vaguely…

I was only 7 or so when heard ‘I Love Rock N Roll’ by Joan Jett and the Blackhearts for the first time. I can remember my older brother making me get up and flip the records back then – his mumbled threats of ‘beating my ass if I didn’t’ so real to me my knuckles would crack I would be flipping so fast. But man she could rock. It was, along with Centerfold by The J Geils band – one of my early favorites. Her videos slammed into my cortex like an 8 ball of grape Pixy Stix (see for yourself). Something about her struck a nerve with me – the dark hair, smoky eyes, fu attitude – it was quite a package. And I was only 7!

Way before girls would become an overwhelming, thought-obliterating tri-breasted (thanks Total Recall) monster in my life – there was Joan Jett (and Wonder Woman. I’ve been told, again, that there isn’t room in my reviews for any of my classic Wonder Woman fan fiction (still waiting for a valid reason why Eddie V) so I will instead make clever use of WordPress and hide a link to my WW erotica somewhere in the review of this watered down, still enjoyable movie). Regrettably, for the next 28 years or so, I would hear ‘Joan Jett’ and only think of I Love Rock N Roll, Crimson and Clover and my brother punching me. Her past rock life was as unknown to me as Divx is to our beloved Apple TVs. But no more – and I am not talking about XMBC.

15 year old (!) Joan Jett (Kristen Stewart) runs into a mental record producer, Kim Fowley (Michael Shannon) and he takes a bit of a shine to her. Flash forward about a second and they are trolling the teen hangouts/bars for other bandmates. Enter Cherie Currie played by Dakota Fanning. Fast forward another few seconds and they are touring Japan as a one of the biggest acts around. Wha-?

The Runaways is over before you know it and not because of losing track of time in the sumptuous story telling. A tidy 85 minutes in and then a rushed and somewhat confusing 5 minute final act swiftly brings this piece of rock candy fluff to an end. Alas, what could have been. 2 ½ stars*.

*I know, I know. ‘Half star? But you promised! And there aren’t any unicorns!’ Calm down. Watch this movie and tell me the performances of Dakota Fanning and Michael Shannon don’t warrant the unusual inclusion of the ½ star.

Cop Out stars Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan as two cops who unravel a moronic mystery served up by an anemic villain born from Rosie O’Donnell and Tony Borowiak of All-4-One fame (‘I Swear’ – you know you remember). Sean William Scott stole the trailer and continued on to steal the movie as his character is pretty amusing. The rest of the cast bears no mention and reminded me of the roster of the Cleveland Cavs when LeBron still fake-cared: Money for one star and 10 guys from the Y fill out the rest. I would bet they wanted Eddie Murphy but couldn’t afford him. And yes I know Eddie is box office death but this movie would have been perfect for him. They even tried ripping off the great Beverly Hills Cop theme ‘Axel F’ by Harold Faltermeyer. Unreal.

The movie zooms along frenetically from plot point to plot point, ham fistedly throwing story arcs around like batarangs. They try very hard to fill your mind with subplots so that you don’t focus on the fact that one of the cops is mentally handicapped.

Plotlines aside, the movie is still terrible. It seems the directors main job was to give Tracy Morgan a face full of meth-laced blow before every scene and watch him scream his lines. Even with the meth I still think it was only a fraction of the ratass crazy swirling around his dome. Unleashing the full force of Tracy Morgan might end the world. I think the Mayans had it right and the end of the world is coming on December 21 2012 when they release Cop Out Deux.

Cop Out is one of the worst movies I’ve seen since last week. There – I said it. No preamble. No waxing lyrical about anything. The extended skit is brutally bad and an insult to Bruce Willis and his tough guy legacy. The movie spreads the chuckles out like a one legged hobo at a candy convention. It has been done better – much better – in many other films. Look for Midnight Run, Lethal Weapon, Hot Fuzz et all.

Get ready for more because it is one of the first of an inevitable avalanche of buddy cop movies coming out over the next few years. They mixed it up with a little chocolate in the vanilla pudding but a mentally ill Tracy Morgan can’t save an inept Bruce Willis. Bruce should stick to Die Hard and The Whole Nine yards threequels. 1 star.

Below is a list of just some of the movies added today, or newly available in HD, to the iTunes Movie Store. For a complete list head over to Cinemira now.

Brooklyn’s Finest (iTunes Purchase)
A Single Man (2009) (iTunes Purchase)

… and more »

Below is a list of just some of the movies added today, or newly available in HD, to the iTunes Movie Store. For a complete list head over to Cinemira now.

Hot Tub Time Machine (Unrated) (iTunes HD Rental)
Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning Thief (2010) (Also Available In HD on iPad and Apple TV) (iTunes Extras)

… and more »

Below is a list of just some of the movies added today, or newly available in HD, to the iTunes Movie Store. For a complete list head over to Cinemira now.

Green Zone (iTunes Extras) (Also Available In HD on iPad and Apple TV)
Stone in Exile (iTunes Rental or Purchase)
She’s Out of My League (Also Available In HD on iPad and Apple TV)
Day & Night (iTunes Purchase)
Date Night (Pre-Order)

… and more »

Below is a list of just some of the movies added today, or newly available in HD, to the iTunes Movie Store.

The Book of Eli (Review) (Also Available In HD on iPad and Apple TV) (iTunes Extras)
Youth In Revolt (Also Available In HD on iPad and Apple TV) (iTunes Extras)
Repo Men (Pre-Order)